Okay. Let’s get something fucking straight.

A few weeks ago, I posted a video on Instagram of me fangirling over the newest One Direction music video, “Steal My Girl”. Within an hour there was a comment from someone whom I thought was my friend, saying that she thought me “getting emotional over a boy band is really pathetic.” The comment went on to say that they are just a bunch of people and they aren’t even good. Although I understand that they are humans like me and everyone else, maybe I have not made myself clear that I do not care for such hate.

Here’s a story: A few years back, my mother, older sister, and I moved to go live with my mom’s fiancé. We stayed there for a year before my mom found out that the man she had been dating for more than 7 years was cheating. For a good amount of time, at that.

The year we were there was quite eventful; My sister started behaving strangely (which revealed itself to be three different disorders causing the mayhem), I had lost touch with almost all my friends from back home, I made a new group of friends, I cut off around a foot of my hair, I was only able to see my dad every other weekend (which was okay to adapt to on its own), I began a long road of what I know now as depression, I made my first youtube videos, and a whole lot of crap from my parents’ divorce (which happened when I was three) and their long-gone marriage started resurfacing in my eyes.

What was I to do? I was pretty calm about it all. I let it all happen around me as the arguments and memories unveiled themselves to be so much worse than I thought.

Anyways, the amount of emotion felt in that year overwhelmed me. I can still remember vivid parts of it, from the second my sister and I found out we would be moving to the evening I found out we were moving back. Sometimes I still think my family and friends don’t realize how harsh I mean my tone to be when I express my view on the disaster. When we were back, I spent time with a few friends from elementary school (who are now probably the greatest friends I’ve ever had). The friends from the year away were mostly gone by then. I talked to them a lot. But the messages and calls decrescendo-ed, as relationships inevitably will.

Within the next two years I got intensely more depressed. I couldn’t shake the slideshows as they popped up. So. Many. Memories. Crying every day, writing about my misery on my first blog (this here website, actually), wishing there was a way to just let go of all that happened. My mind became my worst enemy. Trying to forgive my mother for dragging me hours away and back easily was the most important mission in my life, even if I didn’t want to admit it. My heart and mind couldn’t take much more, plus the weight of being a middle-schooler. And despite all this, I wanted to feel. I wanted to be in a place where I could feel ecstasy for people, for the world around me, for the dream of getting away and living alone in the midst of even more ecstasy.

And then I found One Direction.

I always made fun of them and their fans. Like I did to Justin Bieber and my sister, who is still a fan of his. My best friend Kiara told me about how awesome this English-and-Irish boy band is. I let her do her thing for awhile until I wanted to be part of it too. Soon I memorized who is who: Harry Styles is the curly-haired one; Niall Horan is the Irish, blonde (he’s actually a brunette), adorable, constantly-laughing one; Zayn Malik (pronounced “ma-lik” not “mah-leek”, as I had to get used to saying), is the olive-skin, Middle-Eastern, jock-ish one; Louis Tomlinson is the one who looks sort of like Harry but shorter and with straight hair and a lot of striped clothing; and finally Liam Payne is the one who at first had Louis’s hair, then an almost-buzz cut, and now resembles a model in every shape or form.

The band began to make a mark on me. They made me feel happy for them. I was ecstatic. Excited. Stunned. An insane fangirl. I never want to let go of the butterflies in my stomach and the smile on my face whenever I hear about them or talk about them.

From then until now, Kiara has turned me to a wonderful amount of fandoms and people to rave about every single day. 5 Seconds of Summer is also a huge one. Her searching abilities have made me more open to ideas and faster to catch up with celebrities I admire. She brought me from bands to now YouTubers! Online personalities who started out feeling the same way I do! Amazing people! Holy moly, all the different genres of living, breathing people to get invested into. So much love to be spread around.

I am still battling depression. But I have a feeling it would be much more horrible and overwhelming if it weren’t for One Direction. The now man-band (I guess that is what they’d be called now that they are all twenty-somethings) reminds me of my survival in a scarring time. Listening to their music, knowing that they exist, is what makes me happy. And not for one single even quarter of a second am I going to reconsider my love for them because you think they are bad, or that I am being pathetic.

What is the point of saying your rude opinion, without explanation, without reason, just simply because you think it deserved to be put out there? If I wasn’t me, I might take “you’re pathetic” to a whole new level. It might even haunt me as I fall asleep. When I thought you were my friend, you blurted out your words without tasting them first.

I do not condone this. I do not allow fan- or interest-shaming. And God knows I’ve witnessed a crap-load of it.

Please, next time you are about to be the most hurtful you could conjure up, imagine how you would defend yourself if the roles were switched. Thank you.


So Be It

Look at this video. Then turn back to this post.

First of all, I say that everything in that video explains what state of mind I have when it comes to people. I guess that shows that I’m more understanding than most people my age.

To me what they’re saying in that video works for everyone, every label: blonde or brunette; hater or lover; clingy or alone; funny or serious; x or y. It almost links with the statement, “Treat others you want to be treated.”

People should be able to be themselves no matter what, without judgement. When you know everything about me, I may allow you to judge. But until then, my, and everyone else’s, look belongs to us, not you. So I should dress and act and be whatever I want, as long as I’m not purposely trying to offend someone.

Individuality seems to be the key ingredient to why getting along with others seems to, somehow, be hard. Ya know, people have a certain “type” of person they want to talk to, hang out with, etc. And for some people more than others, interacting with anyone who isn’t within the look or doesn’t have the quality could be hard to do without (how could this be said nicely?) “disliking them” and/or “bringing them down with negativeness”.

But, really? It can’t be hard to cooperate with people who are different.

This is going in an odd direction. To conclude I’m saying that that video means a lot and I think more people should think like how those girls are. Just my opinion.


Imagine this:

You are home
You feel useless
Like the whole world came clear,
and you found out its only a mess.
You think that your whole life
will be all effort, no happiness in return
Because that is all it has been,
even to this day

But you go to school
And to your surprise, you’re happy
All the tears from last night?
Gone, like it never happened
Everything is just okay
because you still remember sadness,
and you still aren’t smiling 24/7,
but you have your friends
and you are doing good in school
and some teachers know how
to make you smile

Then you get home
and, almost immediately,
the feeling of happiness is gone.
Like today’s life just left your soul
now you remember why you were
Everything just…
hit you.

Although it’s really unexplainable,
it seems too easy to explain

But all you know is that,
as you see it,
this is how it will always be
You will always come home happy
and never like the way you turn out
You learn a lot from what you do
when you’re alone
Yet you’re unsure if there’s ever
a difference between
alone, and crowded, but lonely

Yeah, you’re right.
Right there, in a place in your mind,
you know this is depressing
and that it won’t last forever

But no matter what you tell me
No matter how much you say
to lift my spirits
Nothing could make me feel different
Even if this is normal
like this happens to everyone
So many people act like they it didn’t
happen to their very souls.

Expected to act like adults,
Treated like children.
The adults that treat us this way
know the sad feeling
but they tell us to feel better
to freaking cheer up.
But I can bet the world’s riches
that they didn’t follow that advice
when they were our ages.

Of course they didn’t.
But what makes them expect
that we can learn so quick?
And when we are treated with such…
Disrespect, pity, so forth.

You are treated with so little respect
and love
at home.
You don’t know what to do
besides sit there,
lonely, because no one
anything like you are.

And then they ask for respect,
like it should come to them for free,
when you work your butt off
and get nothing in return.

You feel like you’re going through
a time warp
back to slavery,
back to the Great Depression,
back to World War 2 and the Holocaust
back to any time
that one,
because of a number,
no matter on their arm,
or on their birth certificate,
has been treated like this.

It’s not being over dramatic.
It’s not hormones.
Adults just don’t see eye to eye
because they aren’t being treated
in this stupid way.
Not the same way.

But guess what?
When some people
don’t have the strength
to push through like you do,
all you can do is dream of leaving.

And that’s

Now that you’ve experienced
all the sorrow
and been reminded of it,
how will you act
the next time you’ve looked down
on one another?

The Golden Rule–
Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Be respectful of our teachers? I respect whoever respects me back, regardless of age.

Why does nobody understand?
They tell us to be respectful
when they are doing sinful things
all on their own.

ThIs DoEsN’t MaKe SeNsE.

So, now that you’ve gotten that
through your mind
and I’ve let it it out,
tell me
what’s the difference?

I go through this feeling every day.
I hate being treated by certain people
with so little care
yet they call it love.

Every day,
I am mentally forced to be depressed
and to feel like crying
all over again.
I don’t smile around these
selfish people.
I wish I could switch them
for the other.

But you know what?
I have the dignity
and self-respect
to just keep swimming.
There is nothing else to do.
And that’s the truth.

Satisfaction, Maybe?

I’ve succeeded.
The idea has been rushing through my mind for the past week. I don’t know how to feel about it: Excited or confused? Pleased or meaningless? It’s all just a jumble of emotions.
But, honestly, I posted something a while ago saying that I wanted to change my look, and style, completely. And ever since then, the point of why I thought that changing myself was necessarily a great thing has faded. Yet I have practiced those little things, hoping that, if it means what I said wasn’t crazy, they would help me out and make me less self conscious and insecure.
Well guess what: I’m still insecure. With this selfish state of mind that we all have a bit of, I will always be. But as I’m choosing to accept that state of mind, I also realized that I have succeeded at what a year ago I thought was just a dream. Ya know, expecting the worst but hoping for the best.
•As I remember I wanted lighter hair with highlights. I do have slightly lighter hair and I did get highlights.
•I wanted to say more slang. Obvi, I am a bit. I say a lot more slang through text though. So that’s semi-accomplished.
•I wanted to be tan. Okay, so I do still have light skin. But that’s not a biggie.
•I wanted to stop all the entrepreneuring nonsense. That was totally a tryit, because I really can’t live without that trait.
•I was going to make vlogs and just random posts, but I realized I’m fine with doing my own thing, not all on topic.
•Hair: Curly to straight. Not gonna happen. I try really hard but unless I’m planning on spending 20 minutes at least, every morning, doing my hair I am not going to go straight-haired. I wish I had thin straight hair, though.
There were other things, but I’m starting to get off topic. My point is that I hadn’t realize that this is my personality, and no one was as lucky as me to inherit it. Of course I am going to be confused, mad, and depressed every so often, but the best part about it is that it tells me more about myself every time.
So I have some new goals:
• I am going to practice good mentality.
• I will embrace my personality and decisions.
• I will take great care of my body. Including the little things I bicker with myself about most.
• I will take hurtful comments as pointers for what I can work on, not just threats.
• I will treat others with respect if I want respect in return. (I’ve been doing this a lot lately and it has already opened new doors to more friends.)
• I won’t be so shut eye about comedy and fun opportunities around school.
• “I will do my best to be honest and fair, friendly and truthful, considerate and caring, courageous and strong, responsible for what I say and do. And to respect myself and others, respect authorities, use resources wisely, make the world a better place, and be a sister to every [citizen].” (That was the Girl Scout Law. Yeah.)
•To sum it all up, I want to take advantage of the fact that young people today have so much more choice after what they do, and it mostly takes motive to make something that will last forever.
So stay sweet, my friends. And if you know me, take a moment to realize what you can do to uplift what you are capable of. If you are big enough to do something bad, are you big enough not to? Believe me, it’s not that hard.

If you stand straight, with your shoulders back, chin up, and confidence in every step you take, there’s nothing you can’t do.


30 Ways to Kick That Bad Mood

Today, you can have a better day.

Whoever wrote that might have had a really life-changing day. Because, no offense to them, I think that the choice of having a better day is only partially in your hands. Sometimes, the people around you can knock you off your feet from the perfect angle and you really can’t think of a positive thing to say. Or you can just wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Am I right or am I right?
In those hinted moments where you feel like you are about to explode, self control is everything. Even if nothing works, at least you can have the satisfaction of trying. So here’s a few tips for those, erm, frustrating moments. PS, If you are having that kind of day right now, don’t worry. I won’t explain every little thing.

1. Take deep breaths.
2. Think of a happy place where everything goes (without the shallow effect) your way.
3. Tap your foot or move your body in some way to mellow down the jitters.
4. Make a list of things you are good at.
5. Look at relatable quotes on Instagram, Tumblr, Google Images, etc.
6. Read. No, really.
7. Compliment a stranger.
8. Drink tea.
9. Apologize to someone about something that you did, no matter how long ago it happened.
10. Listen to music that’s about the same situation you’re going through.
11. Write or draw whatever you want, even if you don’t want to.
12. Read terrible yet witty jokes.
13. Work on a puzzle or Wreck-This-Book.
14. Smile for a full minute.
15. Write quotes about how you feel.
16. Play video games.
17. Lean on your elbow and try to make your arm go numb. Then laugh at yourself for trying this one.
18. Take a paper, write a letter to whoever made you mad, and rip it up. (Unless you believe in saving trees. Then forget that I gave people this idea.)
19. Watch TV shows from your childhood.
20. Remember your childhood.
21. Try to find real-life friends on social networks.
22. Don’t speak.
23. Make plans for some other day.
24. Remember how you will be okay in the end.
25. Talk to an adult about their past (happy) memories.
26. Make jewelry.
27. Punch the air.
28. Watch a funny movie. Or sad movie. Or romantic movie. Or a scary– Okay, just watch a movie.
29. Forget everything of #28 except the last sentence and keep reading.
30. Think of your own tips and comment them down below. Then read #1-30 all over again.

Thanks for reading! Comment your own tips to help the next people who read this post. All tips were made up by moi! So yeah. Bye!

The Immortal Magic of the Moon

Hey ppl(:
I wrote a really good poem and wanted to show you. Here it is.

There was a little young lady
She was born in modern day
Her name was Eleanor
Eleanor used to smile and laugh
Spend every birthday with a party
Halloween with candy
Easter with an egg hunt
And Christmas with presents
One day, she was 16
Decided to take a ladder to the roof
And contemplate about the world
How she would stop cancer
Because it killed her mother
She would improve car insurance
So people like dad would not die poor
She would help women’s rights
So her sister wouldn’t give birth to a
Random man’s child
But she was never bitter
She saw the brightest of all the sides
She got good grades
She wanted to save people from
Never knew what a true broken heart
Felt like
When her mind returned to earth
She stared at the crescent moon
Studied the stars
And wondered what it meant
Why she suddenly cared so much
And she realized
Little Ellie was growing up
Eleanor needed to to find a path
She needed to be 16
Not 12, not 20, but 16
As the days went by, every night
She would crawl to the roof,
Contemplate, sob, then go back
Soon enough, she started to crash.
Sometimes she would have liquor
And she would stumble the way back.
Sometimes she would smoke
And use tactics to hide the smell.
Sometimes she would bring drugs
And she’d wake up still on the roof.
But what? She did not realize
What she did do, or why she did it.
Then years passed.
Yes, she went to college.
But it was not Ivy League.
Yes, she got a job.
But it was not a job she enjoyed.
And yes, she would still visit roofs.
But not as much as she used to.
The last night she was on a roof
It wasn’t to rue the world
Nor to blame her feelings
But she wanted to thank the moon
And the stars
For giving her a place to go.
“I’ve been through so much,
And I’ve never been able to speak up.
You don’t tell on me.
You believe in me.
Your winds soar through my soul
To remind me that I’m still here.
You create a sort of magic.
It doesn’t always make me gleeful.
But it somehow won’t make me…
“Although these tears kept us here,
Why don’t smiles do the same?
Why can’t the world run
On things we cannot see?
“Don’t answer me.
I don’t want answers.
All I want is your immortal magic.
Even if I can’t see you,
The magic would take me to you.
Please, please, if you may.”
At that moment, she felt it.
The immortal magic.
She shivered with happiness.
With comfort, she inhaled,
Smiled, and exhaled.
She suddenly saw her beauty.
The beauty she couldn’t see
Because they cover with scars.
She felt how much she meant
To both herself and the moon.
The stars twinkled with love.
Also, she realized something real.
Little Ellie was grown up.
Eleanor found & embraced her path.
She was 96.
Not 16, not 106, but 96.
She survived a lifetime
With only the hope of her dreams,
Her strength,
Her love,
And the immortal magic of the moon.

I hope you loved it(:
That’s all!<3

Redbubble – Gravity Falls case

If you are a Faller (fan of the AWESOME show “Gravity Falls”) then please consider buying an iPhone/iPod Touch case with a design that my dad and I made. It is a twist on a classic Beatles album cover!

We have more product ideas, but that was our first one, and in result I think it was creative and fun. I will receive my own iPod Touch case with this design in the next month. So if you know me personally, feel free to ask to see how it came out.

I have high hopes for my first personalized case. Visit the webpage here.

Thank you. Bye! 🙂

P.S.: Yes, my iPod came back today! I’m very happy to get it back! 😀

My Reddbubble case design: