Turning up?

All previous posts recognized, I’m updating you on my amazing happiness status.

No, I don’t feel amazing. But I feel happier than as you’ve seen.

I’ve made certain breakthroughs and decisions lately that I would’ve never expected before. I’ve finally seen a therapist, told an old friend the truth, been straightforward about my emotions, and actually started caring for myself again. I’ve even stood up to people when necessary. I still have pretty major contemplations on whether I should regret certain actions or not, though. But it’s a work in progress.

Tonight I saw a post on tumblr of a shooting star gif. There were plenty of reblogs that commented what they wished and it coming true. Of course my skeptical side said, “Be logical. They are all just people promoting that first post for the reason of it getting popular and tricking people. You’ll get disappointed if you try.” But instead of listening I told it to shut up and defied it like the rebel I am (pfft). So I wished for something to happen that’ll start the future I’m waiting for and for me to be happy. Hopefully I’ll see results soon like the other commenters. Whether I get worse or better I’ll be excited to encounter anything close to results.

I’m getting to see my friends more and be a little more risky, which I have not regretted. I’ve also zoomed out and viewed the whole landscape. That led me to seeing how many friends I have, why I love them, why they (possibly) love me, and what I need to do to keep that free feeling strong.

I never would’ve expected myself to actually get better. I have always been convinced that my depression would always remain insane and uncured and things would never actually get better for me. I stayed strong and never got myself into unhealthy habits, which I am giving myself a high five for. Now I’m prepared if this is just a phase, but it hasn’t ended yet. Usually it would be over in a day. It has been a few days already.

Wish me good luck and I’ll talk to you soon. I know I’ll find myself somewhere, somehow.


Published by

maya ps

the internet is where i rest. blogging is both the beginning and the end. current works include my social media platforms, wattpad, poetry, depression, discovery, and harry styles.

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